Lately I have been kind of like in an uncreative state.... I feel my writing muse is on a break. There is something that I have not been able to put words to that is screaming inside me to get out. And it screams louder everytime I am with my oldest daughter Alessia. Up to now, I have been living my life in a world of endless childhood, I have been the best mom, the coolest, the cure it all, know it all mom, the one that they run to with whatever question, or joy, or problem they want to share. I have been needed for anything and everything for the last 12 years. But now, it seems as Ari is the only one that doesn´t shy away from the camera and the only one always super excited to be with me, well and Emi is still there too... always sweet and wanting.
During all this years, days have been long, but years so short. I have become immerse in a world of games, and joyfulness, and 24 hour shifts. I have become the most patient person on this planet and the most impatient at times too, and creativity has taken over me for explaining life´s challenges to my girls. I think that I have been a mom since the day I was born, still... it has changed me and shaped me into the woman I am today. My happiness is pretty much intertwined to being a mother... I have many things I could be, and maybe I am many other things, but what I feel I am, what describes me as a human being, the one thing that gives me the most joy and feelings of realization, is being a mom, not an architect, not an MBA, or a blogger, just a mom....
Motherhood is hard, is not always picture perfect, or blogabble. I have sometimes thought of it as a prayer to God, as something spiritual where I have given my life and body to a my children... I have given my hands for them to hold, my shoulders for them to cry on, or sleep on, my laps for sitting, and my body just for snuggling them. So when Ale is starting to somehow break away from me.. and start being her own self, when I am not needed to sing for her to fall asleep, when I see her dreaming of her future, when I see the beautiful woman she is becoming words stop coming easily to me. I Know I am happy, and it feels like so far we have done a good job, but it is also overwhelming to see how life is again shifting, and how fast it goes, and how nothing ever stays the same. I try to keep the part of her childhood of holding her close intact and we often hug and kiss and kiss again as we always have... but I know that she now needs more form me, not just a loving mom to teach her the basics in life, but a mother to teach her how to be a strong, sweet, intelligent and loving woman. It scares me a little, and has made me rethink the way I mother her. Hopefully, my example says more than my words, because with her I am a little short on words lately!
Well, anyways, I might not be making much sense today... but maybe tomorrow I will... and maybe just maybe am doing just fine with my first baby girl!
I told her I just wanted to compare our eyes....
Hi! my name is Carolina Perisse de Rico, I am a stay at home architect with the biggest project ever... my girls! The oldest is 16, then I have an 14 year old, and my miracle baby who is 6. Glad you are here, hope you stay a while!
Am now a member of Communal Global!!!