This was one of the days before getting my diagnosis... I remember looking at that blue sky, so vibrant and full of life, and thinking to myself... this could be one of the last days of me being normal, of my little family being innocent, untouched. And I remember telling myself: breath it all in, enjoy it, open your eyes, feel it! I remember also while waiting to get my biopsy done I wanted to post this picture on IG, and saying to mydself... no I can´t post it today, I know today will be different it doesn´t make any sense for me to be posting happy pics if am scared out of myself, right? let me wait till I know what´s happening... but deep down..... I really wanted to post the picture!
As you all know, I was right, about a week later I was told I had breast cancer. But this picture stayed in my mind always... and somehow I always stumbled upon it on my phone or on my computer. During the almost two months following my diagnosis, and after having surgery and recovering from it, lots of feeling took over me, yes I was scared, very scared, but I also felt the most love I had felt in my life, I felt my family, my friends, I found new friends, and found old friends, I felt every prayer thrown my way, I felt every new morning as a blessing. I longed for normal mornings, no Doctors, no fear, I saw the extraordinary in every little ordinary thing, I cired a lot, and I laughed my ass off too. I got to spend more time with my family, mornings at the hospital with my mom, or my aunt, or Gabriel... were fun, we really had fun! The one thing I didn´t do was share ANY of these with my girls... I tried to keep them safe, I told them the least I could possibly tell them, and never ever shed a tear in front of them, because one thing I was sure of, cancer scared me but taking them in this steep road with me scared me even more, and I was determined to protect them. So for all they knew if their mom was happy as always why worry right? Maybe they were God´s way of carrying me, I felt at peace being his instrument, and most of all I felt HUMBLED, oh so very humbled by love!
People called me a warrior... which was odd to me, because I didn´t feel like one, This fight was not one I chose, or one I had a say in, this was given to me and I had to carry it out, that simple! There was nothing braver about me because I had cancer, I was still afraid, One day in church I remember telling God... here I am, I am yours, do what you have to do, I will walk the path you decide for me in the best way I can, and I will embrace it!.. And suddenly fear stopped, I had peace!
That day I stopped researching about breast cancer, I stopped reading, I just accepted it. and two weeks after my surgery they called us to tell us they had the results back. I knew a lymph node was found possitive, so what else could be wrong right? But Gabriel was oh so very nervous, strangely I didn´t ask why. It turns out results were good news, markers were positive, it was so very treatable, no other lymphs nodes were taken. From there that Doctor sent us to the oncologist to decide treatment. And then the surprise of my life, the unexpeted, my miracle... with the markers I had, I MIGHT not need chemotherapy (five years ago I probably wouldn´t have the chance but we are in 2016!!!) There is a knew test called Oncotype DX, that analyzes the DNA cells of the tumor and tells you if you would benefit from chemo or if radiation and hormone therapy would do the trick. Of course we decided to do the test... waited for two weeks.... and the received our MIRACLE news! i needed NO CHEMO, radiation and hormone therapy will do the trick!
So as fast as my life was turned upside down, it was flipped again to the good side! Why me? I have no clue.. I really don´t... I sometimes think that it made more sense when I had cancer, but being worthy of this miracle baffles me to my core. It makes me think every second I breath, everytime I comb my hair, everytime see my girls smile so carefree... that I was chosen by God to do something.... I still don´t know what it is, Gabriel tells me I will soon find out, but I do feel the need to give back to God, to give back to the world, call it love, hope, or Faith... but if you cross my path either here or in the real world, I really hope I can give you back some of the LOVE I have been granted somehow!
If I can give you one present this Holiday Season is to have the ability to see how the ONLY things that matter most in life, what fuels your life, what really matters is the little things, waking up and making coffee, being able to take you children to one million places a day, cooking dinner, watching TV, doing homework, being at home with your husband, a call from a friend, the little things my friends are the EXTRAORDINARY ones, the GLORIOUS, the MAGNIFICENT.... is what makes your life grand, is what you think about when you think you might loose it all... So be MERRY this Christmas! really BE MERRY!!!!
Here are some pics of our wanderings!!!
Who wants a white Christmas when you can have a green one?? haha
We call ourserlves ¨our tribe¨ but I think we are more like an army! Here we are missing two more, but distance is only circumstancial!
And without my handsome hubby... oh man.... it would have been a whole lot more difficult! Here we were celebrating life in NYC our celebration escapade!
A sublime manicure!
First twinkly lights of the season!
Our nativity with my boss!!!
Christmas play... and I thought I was over crying at this!!! You would have to see this video to just grin forever!
Oh my.... light of my day!!!
Hi! my name is Carolina Perisse de Rico, I am a stay at home architect with the biggest project ever... my girls! The oldest is 13, then I have an 11 year old, and now I am starting again with our three year old happiest toddler ever. Glad you are here, hope you stay a while!
Am now a member of Communal Global!!!